Yep, you’ve made it through those four years of late-nighters and all-nighters. You’ve finished your last set of finals and walked across a stage in an ugly robe where some people you probably don’t even know hand you a piece of paper. Nice.
You have moved back into your parents’ house
College is over and your hard work is paying off…. Except it’s not (sheepish grin). Luckily, your parents preserved your bedroom in pristine condition so when you come wandering back like a lost sheep (you are a college graduate so you understand cliches now) you have a place to sleep.
You are unemployed or underemployed
Job hunting is your new favorite past time. If you have no job, a good portion of your day is spent wondering what you have done with the last four years of your life. If you have a job, it is probably unrelated to your field and very possibly only part-time. It definitely doesn’t pay enough for you to afford rent on apartments that seem priced strictly for the well-to-do.
The Affordable Care Act freaks you out
This is a topic on which everyone has strong feelings. Argue against my point if you will, but the fact remains that twentysomethings can’t afford to buy their own insurance, can’t find jobs that offer insurance, and therefore will have to pay yearly penalties because we live in a Brave New World that requires every citizen to have health insurance, whether they want it or not. Why is it called the Affordable Care Act? I’m a college graduate and can’t answer that question! Fail.
You’re still waiting for acne to go away
Acne is supposed to be something relegated to teen years. Nope. If you are in your twenties chances are you still deal with acne, which probably doesn’t help you look mature and professional in a job interview. Yaaaaay.
Vocal fry is a thing
Older people listen to you talk and silently mock you because you end every sentence with an unnaturally low, scratchy tone. In your head you sound intelligent and sophisticated. To your older colleagues you sound like you don’t know the difference between happy and annoyed. And just know, you now have potential to have vocal cord damage in the future. (Watch “In A World…” for more information and entertainment.)
Quarter Life Crisis is also a thing
Apparently a quarter life crisis, or QLC, is a thing. Who knew? But practically everyone is having a QLC. What happens is you realize you haven’t accomplished as much you used to think you would have by now. Then you start worrying your life is aimless. You compare yourself to everyone else and start to lose it a bit. But don’t worry. It will pass.
You hate your 19-year-old self
Maybe hate is a bit of a hyperbole, but you look at all the decisions you made as a 19-year-old and cringe. Paying for school with thousands of dollars of student loans, choosing the most obscure major you can find, picking an expensive school, not realizing the economy would crash (I guess that’s not the fault of your 19-year-old self). You were just a fool.
The world still seems bright and cheery
Despite all the unexpected nonsense that is troubling twentysomethings nationwide, the fact that you are still in your twenties means you likely haven’t yet grown a cynical shell. Instead, you look at your crumby situation and (hopefully) think, “Well, at least I’m still young. I’ve got time.” The new slogan for twentysomethings really ought to be, “Shine on you crazy diamond.” Thank you Pink Floyd.